Relearning to Trust Yourself as a Mother

Written By Candice Quartermain

I’m a mother of two. And if you’re anything like me, you may have felt like parts of you disappeared when you became a mum. Between sleepless nights, constant feeding, and the never-ending needs of a tiny human, I found myself outsourcing so many of my decisions. I spent hours reading articles, listening to stories that fed my fears, and lying awake at night focusing on “what’s wrong”.

The truth is, your instincts are one of the most intelligent tools you have. But no one teaches us how to listen to them or how to trust what we feel. So we start believing there’s something wrong with us. That we need fixing. That someone else must know better.

Reading Lucy Jones’ book Matrescence helped me understand what was really happening. Motherhood doesn’t break you. It reorganises you. Science now shows that matrescence changes the structure of the brain, strengthening areas linked to empathy, emotional awareness and decision-making (Hoekzema et al., 2016).

Our minds and bodies are literally restructured to support us in raising children. Our instincts are wired for this. We just need to learn how to listen and put it into practice.

The Full Body Yes / Full Body No Tool

This is a simple, science-informed way to tune into your body’s natural responses and use them to guide your decisions. It draws on interoception – the brain’s ability to read signals from inside the body, like your breath, heartbeat or gut feeling.

You can use this tool when you're feeling unsure, overwhelmed, or pulled in too many directions. It’s designed to help you do more with less second-guessing and to move from instinct instead of external noise.

How to Use the Tool

  1. Make a clear statement.
    Say the decision or choice to yourself in a full sentence. For example:
    “I want to go back to work next month” or “I will say no to this invitation.”

  2. Pause and check in with your body.
    Notice how your body responds. Focus on your breath, your chest, your gut, your shoulders.

  3. Interpret the response.

    • If you feel tight, tense, heavy, controlled or anxious – it’s likely a No.

    • If you feel open, lighter, grounded, peaceful or calm – that’s likely a Yes.

  4. Watch for the worry zone.
    If your head jumps in with thoughts like “What will they think?” or “But I should…” – you’re in the worry zone. That’s normal.
    To move through it:

    • Default to No until you get a clear Yes.

    • Or make the decision smaller and try again.

  5. Take a small aligned action.
    Once you feel the response that feels resourcing in the body, identify a simple next step like “I will book that in” or “I’ll say no to this for now”. When you start, this might just be noticing what you would change and doing nothing until the next time. Over time, you might speak up, ask for what you need or simply say “no, thank you”.

This tool helps you move through overwhelm, stay connected to what matters, and make choices with more confidence.

It is simple, powerful, and removes the spirals that can consume your precious time and energy.

For me, it has become a productive and effective way to navigate times when I have felt pulled in too many directions. Learning to listen and trust my instincts has helped me stop outsourcing decisions based on fear and to find a sense of clarity in the chaos. It has changed how I mother, how I work, and how I live.

If you’d like support using this tool in your daily life, or want to explore how it could work for you, book a free 20-minute session with me. You can also learn more about the theory and other tools like this by joining the Leading with Integrity course.

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Candice Quartermain