Journal

Nov 2022.

You own me but you know I really own you.
Give all of yourself to me, 24/7.
Commit most hours of your day to tending to me.
Promise to continually check on me, even if you know there is nothing I need.
Make me your priority, even while your doing other things.
Don’t take your eyes off me, especially not to talk to your children, cross the road or have a coffee with a friend.
Always eat with me, sleep with me and make sure I go everywhere else with you. Listen to me while driving, walking, exercising and working.
Never loose me, never share me, never forget me, never ever break me. Because if you do, it will break you.
You own me but you know I really own you.

Your phone.

Oct 2022

Just like a wild horse we are designed to be wild, free and at times fierce.

We are meant to experience daily wonderings, plenty of rest, connection to others and joyful play.

Watching the horses this week I felt much of myself in life.

Caged, unable to move, expected to be on my best behavior and listen to everyone else's instructions on what to do, which direction to do it in and dare I express myself I'll be hearing a WIP being cracked to being pulled back into line.

I've forgotten my nature. Life beyond the bars. I’ve forgotten what it means to have a rhythm guiding by my own impulses.

Freedom to explore and experiment. I don't know how to ask for what I want because I don't know the options beyond the daily routines of expectations and instructions.

Yes Iove well. Exactly how you want me to but is Ioving well for you or for me? Am I truly expressing who I am or am I expressing who you wish for me to be? Am I expressing a part of you, you have forgotten or do you feel you have to hold on in fear that you might loose a sense of yourself? A sense that perhaps is not yours nor mine and maybe we are trapped in this fake state of pleasantries together?

I am meant to be wild, free and fierce. To be my own compass, to own my own choices. You are not the boss of me and I am not here to help you feel more meaningful in your own life.

Perhaps there is a way we can both be free without the taking and control that feels so necessary in this moment? Let’s see.

Aug, 2021

Being rejected. It comes in many different forms.
Your own thoughts, written comments or verbal attacks.

Whatever the delivery, it is painful

It can freeze you at best
Mostly it swallows you whole
Leaving you weak and vulnerable

It forces you to change
Does not ask permission
Deletes all hope
Knocks your confidence
And blurs options for next steps

Rejection is where dreams go to die
Passions are silenced
Ideas are buried and
Interests become commoditised

Rejection makes us confirm
We repeat what we know
Leans us into comfort
We resist the unknown

Unless…

You decide to turn your rejection into fuel
Something to propel you forward
To pivot, uturn or rebound

You dust yourself off, accept what happened
Acknowledge the experience as a valuable lesson

We all experience rejection
We all have a choice on how we respond

Sometimes we rise on our own
Often others help us up
Most of the time its a combination

Either way, if you can get up.

You gift yourself possibility.

July 2021

The art of fulfilment is the ability to experience not only the thrill of the chase, but also the magic of the moment, the unbridled joy of feeling truly alive.

Be sure not to mistake success for fulfilment. They are different. One is yours and one belongs to someone else.